daecabhir: (Calvin's Selective Reality)

So, yesterday was the 42nd anniversary of my escape from the womb. At 10:21 AM, in Washington, D.C., on July 25, 1966 my mother gave me perhaps the greatest gift I have ever received - life. Thank you mother, not only for the nine months of gestation that you endured, but the decades of love thereafter as well. It was passing strange this year, as I received more birthday wishes in one day than I had in the past five years. I am not sure what I did to deserve the notoriety (or is it infamy?), but I was really, truly blown away by the number of people who wished me well, and the variety of places where those birhday wishes were posted (one of particular note, from a Twitter pal, is this Bitstrip.

In other news, [livejournal.com profile] ravynmaniac has taken posession of a townhouse less than 10 minutes away. She'll be packing and moving some things this weekend while I am in Baltimore doing a Shambhala Art training intensive. Not much else I can say about it really, other than it is good that she found a place that she could afford which will accomodate her needs. I doubt I will begin to sort out my own life until after Warrior Assembly in August.

I am sitting at a table in the third floor "suite" in my friend Cynthia's "old" house. That is, the one she used to live in befoe she bought the one next door. She's renting out room in the house and I suppose that if I were the one moving out I would probably have looked into renting this space. Cynthia lets me crash here for training weekends so I don't have to commute from Frederick every day. At some point I should take her and her mom out to someplace nice for the number of times she's put me up.

This weekend is a Shambhala Art "intensive", which combines the first two levels of Shambhala Art training into a single weekend. I'll post more on this later, but I've been waiting for the opportunity to pursue this particular set of teachings, and tonight's opening talk and exercise was very promising. And yes, in case you're wondering, I have invested and will be investing a good deal of time to pursuing dharmic studies. This is the path upon which I find myself, and it is a path that has brought a great deal of clarity and sanity to my life, even if it has also brought the inability to delude myself as well. It doesn't mean I don't do stupid things or don't try to avoid unpleasant situations - it just means that I can't hide from the fact that I am doing something stupid or avoiding unpleasantness. Frome somewhere in the midst of that wisdom may eventually arise.

Anyway, I should go to bed now. Thank you again to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, or who has wished me well in dealing with the upheavels in my life. Your support helps, it really does.

daecabhir: (Drama Queen)

This morning I went with [livejournal.com profile] ravynmaniac to check out a rental property, and this afternoon her rental application was approved. The inventorying and packing will likely start tomorrow, and some belongings will begin to make their way to her "new" home this weekend. The primary reason for the "rush" on this is that September marks the start of a heavy work period for [livejournal.com profile] ravynmaniac, and she needs to be in a position where she can concentrate on her work. This means having her studio and her office set up, and not having to worry about something major still being over here in the house. The townhouse isn't that far from here, nor will I be asking her for her key or changing the locks (that's a joke there now, son), but smack-dab in the middle of a work crisis is not the time to realize that a mighty critical bit of something is not in the house.

The reality of things is, I suspect, finally beginning to settle in for me. No real point in trying to explain what I mean by that - it's a purely personal experience that spans the physical, emotional and mental spectrum. I knew that this needed to happen, just as I know that at this moment I am not really processing the whole of the experience. Call it "growing pains" if you will. What I need is time, and space, which I reckon I will have in great supply sooner rather than later.

[livejournal.com profile] danguyf asked "If it's so amicable, why go to all of the trouble?" I'm going to assume that he meant "Why separate?" (and you may correct me [livejournal.com profile] danguyf), which is a fair question. I can only speak for myself, from my own experience, which is that I am not the same person that I was a year ago, and that my feelings are not the same as they were a year ago. I've had to spend a lot of quality time with my own neuroses, observing them, learning from them, trying (not always successfully) to not get caught up in them. In the process of facing my own demons, it became very clear that while I still cared about the well-being of [livejournal.com profile] ravynmaniac as I would a close friend or family member, I was no longer in love with her. It was hard enough to admit to myself; it took months for me to come out and actually admit it to her. Not that I had been particularly skillful at hiding my inner turmoil and unhappiness (I shall not be playing poker anytime soon).

So "why go to all of the trouble?" Because we both need the time and space to process this change in our lives. Because no one should stay in a relationship without a healthy interest from both parties. Because it is really the only way that healing is going to occur - stewing in a situation that only becomes more uncomfortable and stressful is not healthy. Because we're still relatively young, and there is much more living to do for both of us. Because you can't force love - it is either there, or it isn't. Because it is the right thing to do.

daecabhir: (Coffee Failed - Use Jumper Cables)

So, like, I've been busy as hell at work. Deadlines that looked reasonable are now looming fifty feet high and fifty feed wide, approaching at an alarming rate. Mostly generating documentation that should have already existed, along with operations engineering plans, which I haven't done in ages. By the end of the day, my brain is pretty damned crisp. I need a vacation - hopefully Warrior Assembly in August will not leave me feeling like a wrung-out dishtowel.

Judging by the e-mails and LJ comments I have received, the announcement has left a number of folks wondering just what the hell happened. However, the responses have been very supportive of [livejournal.com profile] ravynmaniac and I as we try to make our way through this, for which we are both deeply grateful. We're currently in the process of finding a place for [livejournal.com profile] ravynmaniac to rent, and muddle through the details that we need to organize before sitting down with a mediator to work out the legal end of things. The most important thing is that folks not worry about us... we're working together on this, and we're both intent upon getting through this with our friendship intact.

This weekend I'll be in Baltimore participating in a Shambhala Art intensive, which is basically Shambhala Art I and II in one weekend. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche taught that art provided another avenue for developing mindfullness and awareness, for connecting with the primordial nature of mind. The director for this weekend is apparently most excellent, so I am looking forward to finally being able to start the Shambhala Art training. I'll post here after the weekend to let y'all know how it goes.

On that note, I should get my ass into the shower and into the office. More later - TTFN!

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Daecabhir, Lord of the Leaping Shadows

August 2017

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